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Post #75
spn cowboys
immortal_lights wrote in anon_lovefest
Fics:

rock the boat (or the trailer, same difference), girl!mike/tom
What they see in the mirror of Erised (Pete/Patrick)
Looking past so carefully but still slipping (Max/Ryan)
Paper Rockstars (Ryan/Jon, Ryan/Alex)
Eat It Too (Food Network Challenge, gen)
Come Alive (vampire!pete/eager!patrick)
Rock this Place (Bob/Patrick)
Who Needs Horror Movies When You've Got Real Life? (Gerard/Lyn-z)
Please don't Go (Patrick/Pete, rape)
Ryan/Brendon, cat-sitting
i see red (across your face) (brendon/girl!ryan)
Do You Wanna Dance and Hold My Hand? (Brendon/Spencer, high school AU)
Paying For Love and Paying In Naivety (girl!brendon/gabe, accidental frottage)
Brendon's ass is attractive on an obsessive level of attraction (Ryan/Brendon)
Sandman/Benzedrine
Hot Mess (Panic!GSF)
The Portrait of Ryan Ross (Brendon/Ryan/Keltie)
Wanna Live a Life from a New Perspective (tiger!Brendon)
Rock 'n Roll Boy (Face Included) (Greta/Frank)
nothing matters, i'm just chasing the wind if i can't have you, darling (girl!brendon/spencer, beach)
Mike Carden/Kevin Jonas, Joe Jonas/Tom Conrad

Regular post this week. Keep up with the awesome fic!
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Spin (Gerard/Frank Part 1)

(Anonymous)
i haven't written fic in about two years, so i'm sorry if this is a shitty attempt. also i distinctly remember a video from the 2005 warped tour where they sang happy birthday to gerard (even though his birthday is in april) and everyone in the fandom assumed it was his one year sobriety anniversary.

---

It’s not really a coin you should play heads or tails with, but that doesn’t stop Gerard from trying. He’s sitting on the pavement, being pounded by the summer sun, thinking. He twirls the coin between his right index finger and thumb, mouthing the little words stamped onto it over and over. “Unity, service, recovery.” This year of AA has been like a bad movie, and this coin is the only prize he has for making it through. Well, this coin and a fully functional band and a grasp on reality. But Gerard forgets about those small details and focuses on his twirling and mumbling.

He thinks he’s probably having a heat stroke by the time Frank sits down in front of him, legs crossed and pulled into his chest. “Are you still alive?”

Gerard looks up at him and rolls his eyes, keeps twirling.

“Just asking because we’ve been watching you for like, two hours. You do realize you’ve been sitting out here in the sun wearing all black for two hours, right?”

Gerard shakes his head. “No. I’ve been thinking.”

Frank shakes his head right back at him and wipes the sweat off his forehead by pressing his face to his knees. “That’s some impressive thinking. Do you want a drink?” Gerard looks up at him, fast, serious. “Like a coke,” Frank spits out, fast. Of course it’s what he meant all along, but sometimes he forgets that even simple words can set off old habits. After all, Gerard is an old dog learning new tricks. He says so all the time.

Gerard just shakes his head and looks back down at the coin in his hand. He takes a deep breath, looks back at Frank and holds the coin up in front of his face. “What is this thing supposed to mean to me?”

Frank is a little unsure. This year has certainly been difficult, for all of them. At the same time, this day feels like one of those insignificant birthdays. Like 19. There is no point to going out and buying cigarettes and lotto tickets on your 19th birthday. You can’t go buy a beer. You can even declare yourself two decades old. It’s just, well, there. And then it’s not. He doesn’t want to tell Gerard that all of his sobriety anniversaries will be like this, another number to remember, but he’s pretty sure that’s the only option. He settles for something simple. “It means that you did something that a lot of people don’t even try to do. We’re proud of you.” He leans forward and squeezes Gerard’s shoulder, shakes him a little. “Now let’s get the fuck out of this heat. You know we won’t get a shower for another week.”
- - -

They bring him a fucking cake on stage and sing "Happy Birthday" and pretend that people don't understand. Everyone on the tour knows, though, and pats Gerard on the shoulder while hiding beers behind their backs. He's not stupid. Being on tour is the most difficult thing about being sober. No one in his meetings can relate, they don’t have any advice. They try to compare it to office Christmas parties and weddings, but it’s simply not the same.

He eats the damn cake with one hand in his pocket, fingering the coin, going over this little speech he has dreamed up in his head. It’s like he’s writing movie scripts, mouthing the words “I love you” to himself in the bathroom mirror. It’s like being a kid again, jumping on his bed while listening to the radio, making up music videos in his head.

He wanders to the front of the bus and sits down on the couch, pulls out the coin. He’s back to twirling, staring at it. It took him three hundred and sixty five excruciating days to earn this thing. One day at a time. Everyday thinking about what he would do the day he had it. Reward himself with something new, something that wouldn’t start him down the slippery slope once again. Like the last time he tried to get sober, when he hadn’t had a drink in a month and rewarded himself with seven tequila shots. No, his sponsor wouldn’t have any of that.

Spin (Gerard/Frank Part 2)

(Anonymous)
He’s thinking now about his last meeting, before they started this tour. Brian makes sure that Gerard goes to meetings on the road, but his group in Jersey knows him. He stood up there and said “Hi, my name is Gerard and I am eleven months sober,” and they all cheered. They chanted for a speech since they all knew he would be gone for so long. He cleared his throat, hands grasping the front of his chair. “Well, I’ll be honest. I’m scared to leave this place. I’m scared that when I get my chip next month someone will try to trade it for a beer.” Everyone chuckled but this was serious, they just didn’t get it. “I think I might hide it.” His palms were sweaty. “And, well, I also wanted to talk about relationships, after this whole…thing. Sobering up. Because,” and here is where he wanted to back track and forget the whole thing. Diving into the deep end may not be for him. But he saw everyone looking at him, waiting eagerly. “Because I really need to tell someone that I love them, that I have for a long time, and I know it’s not the alcohol talking for once. I know this is really how I feel. I’m just scared that this person, once I say all this, he’ll know too. Obviously.” He laughs a little, wants to slap himself for not writing all of this down. “Sometimes I think that he already knows, but. Oh, I don’t know. It’s so much harder live in a fantasy world without the booze. And in the real world, well, I don’t think I’ve told anyone that I loved them while I was sober. I don’t even know how to do it. Oh, this is stupid.” He tried to sit down but people started yelling out advice, encouraging him. And none of that made this moment any easier. This bus, this tour, it wasn’t anything like the real world. And it wasn’t like any story he’d heard or seen. It was just this, here, right now. One day at a time.

He’s still in that far away world when Frank plops down on the couch next to him, all smiles. “Good cake, huh?” He’s got a frosting covered fork stuck in his mouth. Gerard nods. “Gerard, what’s wrong? You’ve been acting strange all fucking day.”

Gerard starts to shrug it off but he can hear his sponsor’s voice in his head telling him to not hold back, not ever again. Keeping things bottled up inside leads to nothing positive. He sort of hates being sober at times like this. He looks at the coin carefully, then places it on his curled index finger and flips it with his thumb. Heads, he’ll just say it. Tails, it can wait for the second year anniversary.

The powers that be, they choose heads. It doesn’t matter that the coin has neither heads nor tails, just words of encouragement and support. Both sides are heads, both sides scream for him to do this, now.

“Look, Frank, I have something I need to tell you.” Frank turns his body towards him, still smiling, eager. Gerard, well he can’t breathe properly anymore. Frank lays his hand on top of his on top of the coin, squeezes it. There’s a reason Gerard feels this way, its right here. “Frank, I,” and this is as far as he gets. The words just won’t come out but his body is way ahead of him, turning his hand in Frank’s grasps, curling their fingers together with the coin sandwiched between their palms.

He watches Frank as he looks down, sees what’s happening, eyes widening slowly. “Gee,” he whispers, soft, barely making any noise at all. He looks back up, seeing right through Gerard like he has always been able to. Then he’s leaning forward, closing the distance between them, no hesitation. It takes Gerard by surprise. Soft, gentle, like Frank knows exactly what he’s trying to say and exactly what the correct response is.

Its milliseconds and millenniums before they pull apart. Gerard, he’s pretty sure his jaw is on the floor. He takes a deep breath, like it’s the last one he will ever get. His hand still holding onto Frank’s, he squeezes. “You’ve known all along, haven’t you?”

Frank smiles and nods his head, yes. “You’re my best friend, you can’t hide shit from me.”

Spin (Gerard/Frank Part 3)

(Anonymous)
Gerard is a little bewildered by how Frank will not stop looking at him dead in the eye. He wants to look away because it makes him uncomfortable, makes him thirsty, but Frank’s eyes won’t let him. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“This isn’t my battle, Gerard. You had to decide for yourself that you were ready to deal with this. First you had to earn this,” and he’s holding the coin up. Gerard, he’s shocked that Frank seems to know everything he’s been thinking for the last twelve months. For the last four years. He really shouldn’t be, but he is.

“I didn’t want to treat you like everyone else. I wanted to tell you when I knew that I was ready for it, that I meant it. I mean it.”

“Gee, stop tip toeing around it. Spit it out.”

Gerard, he doesn’t think he’s smiled this wide since he was little. “I love you.” He takes the coin and folds it into Frank’s palm, kisses his fingers as he wraps them over the coin.

“I love you. Wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Gerard slaps Frank’s thigh. “It was.” He leans forward, kisses him again. It’s better without the shock. “Now don’t you dare trade that thing for a beer.”

Re: Spin (Gerard/Frank Part 3)

I was the OP, and I'm not even going to go anon for this because I'm so thrilled and grateful that you wrote this. It's beautiful. I was smiling (maybe bittersweetly, but still smiling) as I read. And then I finished reading and my eyes welled up, and I honest-to-God cried. You did such a wonderful job of capturing Gerard's fears and struggle, and the fact that getting his year medallion didn't mean it was over. But for all of that, it's such a hopeful, sweet story. I really love it.

The last two sentences were perfect:
“I love you. Wasn’t so hard, was it?”

Gerard slaps Frank’s thigh. “It was.” He leans forward, kisses him again. It’s better without the shock. “Now don’t you dare trade that thing for a beer.”


Just amazing. Thank you so much!

Re: Spin (Gerard/Frank Part 3)

(Anonymous)
okay, wow. thank you so much for saying all of that. really, you have no clue how much it means to me. as someone who hasn't written fic in so long (and i used to be in love with writing) this is so encouraging and fantastic. thank you so much. again haha. and i'm so glad it's what you wanted! it was a really fantastic prompt.

(and i'm still scared to go out of anon to comment back, but i was considering it. just because your comment is so lovely and made me feel so great.)

Re: Spin (Gerard/Frank Part 3)

wonderful!

Re: Spin (Gerard/Frank Part 3)

(Anonymous)
Frank smiles and nods his head, yes. "You’re my best friend, you can’t hide shit from me."

*flails*

This is a lovely little ficlet, anon. Keep writing!

Re: Spin (Gerard/Frank Part 3)

oh, that was absolutely brilliant. i loved it, seriously. you captured his mindset so perfectly, and this part was so beautiful:

He eats the damn cake with one hand in his pocket, fingering the coin, going over this little speech he has dreamed up in his head. It’s like he’s writing movie scripts, mouthing the words “I love you” to himself in the bathroom mirror. It’s like being a kid again, jumping on his bed while listening to the radio, making up music videos in his head.

He wanders to the front of the bus and sits down on the couch, pulls out the coin. He’s back to twirling, staring at it. It took him three hundred and sixty five excruciating days to earn this thing. One day at a time. Everyday thinking about what he would do the day he had it. Reward himself with something new, something that wouldn’t start him down the slippery slope once again. Like the last time he tried to get sober, when he hadn’t had a drink in a month and rewarded himself with seven tequila shots. No, his sponsor wouldn’t have any of that.


just - thank you. really.

Re: Spin (Gerard/Frank Part 3)

I Loved this! Wonderful Gerard characterisation and lovely writing, so thoughtful and bittersweet.

Re: Spin (Gerard/Frank Part 3)

(Anonymous)
two years and you still haven't lost your touch. infact i'd go as far as saying you got better :O. this was so touching and a such a nice read. i'm so glad you're writing again! and hopefully you know who this comment is from. i haven't seen you online in a while!

m.

Re: Spin (Gerard/Frank Part 3)

You have nothing to worry about- this was fantastic. You really captured what a bittersweet day the anniversary must be. You struggle and fight your way along for 365 days, only to get a little coin and a reminder that you're supposed to do this for the rest of your life.

You wrote Frank perfectly too, I think. Just being supportive and waiting for Gerard to get himself together and figure stuff out.

Sobriety fics are possibly my all-time favorite, and it's always so exciting for me to find another one to read. Thanks! =) Don't be afraid to keep writing.

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